When people ask me about my deployment experience, I tell them that I
learned a lot. The hardest part of my deployment was the forced
relationships and coexistence with people who were once complete
strangers -- people that I might not otherwise have ever associated
with. Rolling outside the wire wasn't hard, it was an adrenaline rush;
the interpersonal dynamics and working relationships were what nearly
undid me.
War, and all of its experiential offerings, made me
more of who I am. It forced me to go within and find the strongest and
most real parts of myself and pull those to the surface of my being,
beyond the lies and programming that I had believed about who I was. In
some cases, it answered some mysteries. Could I hold my own? Would I
remember what to do if the shit ever hit the fan? If faced with direct
contact, would I freeze? run? or fight? Would I be able to bring all of
my battle buddies back? Those were the questions I tortured myself with
then.
In essence, I confronted some of my personal mental
dragons. It's hard to articulate beyond that, but I suspect that many of
you get it. I just felt like sharing.
Posted on May 8 on FB, Doonesbury's The Sandbox
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